More ® symbols than any other blog I know of®.

Well right now I am eating a quite delicious Nature Valley® Oats 'N Honey Granola Bar type thing. The crunchy kind, not the soft kind that tastes like oatmeal that someone didn’t' add enough water to. Well on the wrapper i notice that this granola bar isn't just a normal, run of the mill, everyday granola bar. The granola bar that I’m munching on is in fact not only THE Official Granola Bar of the US Ski Team®, but also THE Official Granola Bar of the PGA Tour®. Now I’m really curious as to how these kind of deals work. Is it just in name on the wrapper? Are you only allowed to eat these particular granola bars if you happen to be on the PGA Tour® or the US Ski Team® (at least while you're in public)? Now I can't imagine that everyone is forced to eat these granola bars, since there is a good possibility that there is at least one of those professionals that doesn't like this granola bar and has a different preference. There is also a possibility that someone may be allergic to an ingredient. I'm going to assume that the way this works is that these granola bars are provided to the players and staff on the PGA® and US Ski Team®. If they choose to eat them they can help themselves, but if they want to eat something else then that's fine too. This arrangement isn't even that weird.What i really want to talk about is the crazy ones that make no sense at all. So let’s discuss everyone's favorite sport to make fun of (assuming you're north of the Mason-Dixon Line at least... NASCAR®. Well to be 100% honest I actually enjoy NASCAR®. In fact i was named after a NASCAR® driver. However their policy on sponsorship is slightly insane. I understand it to a point. I mean if Tampax® wanted to give me a shit-ton of money to put their name on stuff, hell I’d take it too. My issue isn't with that at all. My problem is that once Tampax® gives them (and it isn't just NASCAR®) a boat load of money, Tampax® isn't "a proud sponsor of NASCAR®" they instead become "the Official Tampon of NASCAR®." And that is my problem with things, and to be honest I’m pretty forgiving about it. For instance NASCAR® is sponsored by Ritz® Crackers- the Official Cracker of NASCAR®... okay but then the also have combos which are the Official Cheese Filled Snack of NASCAR®... are you fucking kidding me? They also have these categories locked up:
Chocolate- M&M's ®
Pizza- Domino's ®
Dog Food- Pedigree ®
Soft Drink-Coca Cola ®
Sports Drink- PowerAde ®
Beer- BudweiserPace/Passenger Car- Chevrolet® Monte Carlo
Passenger Car- Dodge Charger ®
Truck- Ford ®
Shaving Product- Gillette ®
Golf Club- Top-Flite ®
Golf Ball- Callaway Golf ®
Pain Reliever- Tylenol ®
Home Improvement Store- Home Depot ®

Convenience Store- APlus ®
... i can't keep going because I’ll go crazy.
If all these things were used in a race or by a racer i could completely understand the label of "Official Staple Remover of NASCAR®." Now Goodyear® being "The Official Tire of NASCAR®," that makes sense to me. And some of the other things I do get, like the sports/soft drink. But seriously... golf club... dog food!? I have yet to see a racecar driver golf during a race, nor have i seen a dog inside a race car (at least not one actually driving it.) Why can't they just label it "a Proud Sponsor of NASCAR®?" And again, this is not just an issue with NASCAR® it just seems to be bigger with them than anyone else. Yet again I’ll say this though; I have no issue with weird sponsors promoting something that has absolutely no real relation with the sport. My issue is with the label that the sponsor gets.
So NASCAR®(and other violators of this) get a 0 out of 5. You're just annoying with you're idiotic nonsensical labeling policy of your sponsors. The WNBA® would get a 1 out of 5 because them having an Official Shaving Product would actually make a difference to the sport.

Kyle’s review in (approximately) 1 line or less or sometimes more depending on how I feel®: NBA® Referees
NBA® Referees... you guys suck! Pay me that money. I suck too but at least I suck consistently

I would like to thank Foldger's® Coffee which is the Official Fuel of Kyle® and Hot Pockets® as the Official Meatish Substance Filled Pastry of Kyle® (it's an item that keeps me in a constant state of anger to write/create this blog)

Thank you,

Kyle® & His Official Sponsors